tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-489081786433198045.post1341278893450036693..comments2023-10-09T13:17:08.094-04:00Comments on Tell me a story: Tornado narrativeScott Blanchardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15991159243837923110noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-489081786433198045.post-80153426610501324692008-02-07T17:51:00.000-05:002008-02-07T17:51:00.000-05:00I agree. If the writer had just described a rescue...I agree. If the writer had just described a rescue worker stumbling upon the child, I would have assumed the boy was dead. The "baby doll" quote could have been used as a way to grab the reader. All this would be best achieved by setting up the story through the eyes of the man who called out, "It's not a baby doll -- it's alive."<BR/><BR/>Also: This is nitpicking, but ... <BR/>Tornadoes do not "careen." They would cease to be tornadoes if turned completely onto one side. I point this out because the word is often misused in news stories.Nichole Dobohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15934777882926001250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-489081786433198045.post-37876164225557358722008-02-07T12:58:00.000-05:002008-02-07T12:58:00.000-05:00Not that we have to always write things to a certa...Not that we have to always write things to a certain form, but didn't the writer kind of lose the suspense by saying 'they found kyson' and saying it was a child BEFORE using the quote 'it's not a baby doll -- it's a child'? Clearly, someone there had seen the kid and thought he was a doll.<BR/><BR/> Anyway ... what else does anyone think this writer could have done better to bring across the emotion?Scott Blanchardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15991159243837923110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-489081786433198045.post-90422806050613504672008-02-07T12:42:00.000-05:002008-02-07T12:42:00.000-05:00I agree.To use a phrase Scott Blanchard threw at m...I agree.<BR/><BR/>To use a phrase Scott Blanchard threw at me while going through my enterprise piece yesterday, it doesn't "keep the reader's trance going."<BR/><BR/>Of course, this was done on deadline, so you gotta cut some slack! :)Jen Vogelsonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16235800705953167901noreply@blogger.com