Dying man and his heart surgeon: A look inside the story

This piece was nicely done by Bill Landauer and offers a couple things we can take from it:

1. This almost wasn't a story. We'd written about Joe Palmieri and the heart surgeon before, and were reluctant at first to go back into the story. The fact that the doc's book was coming out was a bit newsy, but we certainly could've briefed it. But Joe kept calling Bill, and finally Bill said, "Why do you keep calling me?" or words to that effect. Joe's answer was a poignant one, that he felt like he was dying and was running out of time to feel like he had thanked the surgeon. That became the forward motion of the story.
2. The language and tone in it are an exercise in restraint. It would have been very easy for this story to be a maudlin tale of woe that would've felt forced or over the top. But Bill worked to pull back from that edge, and I think he succeeded. The story has the right feel to me -- emotional, but not blubbering. 

Make a decision to make decisions when you write

Thoughts on Kelly McBride's webinar* yesterday on writing with voice and tone:

She built the session around choices a writer makes and showed specific examples, but even if you forget the examples, remember the word: Choices. The choices you make as a writer -- beginning with understanding that you do have choices to make all along the way -- are what will help you become a better writer.

For me, that came through most when she and Howard Finberg talked about how the meaning of a list of books would change, in the context of the story, depending on what order they were listed in. Ending the list with 'Anne Frank' would have created a more serious tone, while ending it with 'Paddington's Bear' a lighter tone.

As McBride noted throughout her session, stuff like that matters. Not all stories are the same, so they require different tones, different levels of your voice. As you're reporting, as you're organizing, as you're beginning to write, be asking yourself: What am I writing about? What's the point of the story? What is the story trying to say? What do I want the reader to get from this? How should they feel when they put my story down?

The answers to those questions can guide your decision-making as you write the piece, and help you nail the voice and tone.

What resonated with you? I invite anyone who was there (and even anyone who wasn't there but has a thought on this topic) to join the conversation.


*If you missed it, a replay is up on the NewsU site. Let me know and I can log you in.

'A story is what makes us real'

Besides being a terrific story, this is a great example of online presentation.

When I am reading this, all I can think about is a cool voice over in an old-timey detective novel. That's a combination of the writing tone and the Web page layout. Oh, and the art is just incredible. There aren't any ads messing up flow either.

The story has a theme that's a favorite for me. It's about a forgotten man. Someone left behind by society. It reminds me of this line from Allen Ginsberg's poem, America: "I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns."

(Also, I am in love with the font size, which improves online readibility. I didn't have to print this one out to read it.)

Simple writing, complex subject

A body frozen in a block of ice. (Max Ortiz / The Detroit News)

I might be partial to this story because I have family ties to Detroit, so I'd like to know what you think of it.

I'm a fan of The Detroit News reporter Charlie LeDuff, who left a gig at the NYT. He explained it this way: "I can't write the things I want to say. I want to talk about race, I want to talk about class. I want to talk about the things we should be talking about."

Anyway, back to the story, which is about a human being who was discovered frozen in a block of ice. Usually, I hate when a reporter includes himself in a story. LeDuff pulls it off.

It's a short story, but it sums up what is going on in that city right now on so many levels.

I can't quit thinking about the guy in the ice. Someone mentioned to me that they'd like to see a follow-up on who the dead guy is. I don't think we should know. That's part of why this story is so powerful. I think the point is to make you wonder -- and then feel guilty and sad -- that this guy was left that way.

But if you want to know, there was a follow-up story. And it, too, broke my heart.

Unexpected connections

This 1A story in today's USA Today shows what can happen when you think about common things in uncommon ways, as writer Skip Wood did here. You can make fresh connections that readers don't expect, and when they work, they're rewarding to read.

You can certainly argue that writers, including many sports writers, have worked some literary references to death, so it's a gamble to venture into that territory. But this story doesn't take itself too seriously, which I think is a key to making it work in this case. See what you think.

A story with unusual timing ... but it works

It's not often you see an obit story almost six months after the person died.

But Darryl Slater of the Richmond Times-Dispatch wrote a somber, touching story about a Virginia Tech football manager who died in a car crash in July. The story appeared on the eve of Tech's appearance in the Orange Bowl, and Slater emphasized what the team would be missing without J.D. Burroughs on the sideline by reaching back to a scene from last year's Orange Bowl.

It was an anecdote that worked, because it fed the theme of the story. Clearly, Slater knew his subject and had paid attention even when he didn't have to.

And in this piece, Slater kept the tone even throughout -- sad, but not too sad. Uplifting here and there, but it's not overdone.

Just a good read.

Choose your words carefully

Eugene wrote a story in Monday's paper using a news release and one interview. Because of his use of strong verbs -- tilting, spat, prodded, grappled, for example -- and other description, the story had more life than it might otherwise have had. It's an example of why word choice matters, even if it's in a short daily piece.

How did he come by those strong verbs?

When Eugene interviewed Richard Sullivan, the man who was attacked, he was standing in the doorway where Sullivan's cousin, the alleged attacker, had stood hours before. Eugene asked Richard to act out what had happened.

When Richard moved his hands in a certain way to imitate the clash, Eugene thought of wrestling, and thus, "Sullivan reached for the shotgun and grappled with his attacker ..."

When Richard showed how he went for the gun, Eugene thought first to say he "pushed" it away, but chose instead "...tilting the mouth" of the gun because Sullivan described the action as more instinctive than intentional, so "pushed" seemed too strong and "tilting" seemed right. (I would add that when I read "tilting" I think "tilting up," whereas "push" could be in any direction.

When Eugene described the gun going off, he first wrote that it "let out a round," then thought of his description of the "mouth" of the gun and chose "spat" to go along with that.

Those kinds of choices, in any kind of story, make for stronger writing. There are many examples of this in our paper, and I salute anyone who puts this kind of thought into picking just the right word for what you're trying to say.

E-mail story

Mike Hoover sent an e-mail to the metro editors yesterday, relating what he'd found out about a cat up a tree. It read, in part:

"The cat is down by trailer No. 98.
She, the cat is trying to get down.
She is screaming her head off. It is dehydrated and crying for help.
It has attracted our whole darn park. There are 30 trailers there all
together.
... I spoke with Lower Windsor Township Police Chief David Sterner. He said it is unsafe for police to climb the tree. With liability standards, fire department won't do handle the cat.
Sooner or later when the cat gets hungry enough, the cat will come down.
They can call a tree services with experience tree climbers. You don't know if the cat has rabies. Someone can get bit.
The cat is an animal. It has claws. It will come down eventually. He has never seen a cat skelton in a tree."

We all thought he'd practically written a cool story in that e-mail. After he tweaked it a bit, he came up with this.

It's not smashmouth journalism. It's not going to change the world. But it's a story with a nearly intractable conflict, told in a tone and voice that's appropriate for the subject matter. In other words, it' s a nice piece of work by Mike, something that has a place in each day's paper, and something we can learn from.