The tornadoes in the South are stories that easily lend themselves to narrative in the right context.
This one's an amazing tale, as you can tell from the headline, "'It's Not a Baby Doll -- It's Alive.'"
The writing is spare and compelling, although I felt some emotion was missing.
I agree.
ReplyDeleteTo use a phrase Scott Blanchard threw at me while going through my enterprise piece yesterday, it doesn't "keep the reader's trance going."
Of course, this was done on deadline, so you gotta cut some slack! :)
Not that we have to always write things to a certain form, but didn't the writer kind of lose the suspense by saying 'they found kyson' and saying it was a child BEFORE using the quote 'it's not a baby doll -- it's a child'? Clearly, someone there had seen the kid and thought he was a doll.
ReplyDeleteAnyway ... what else does anyone think this writer could have done better to bring across the emotion?
I agree. If the writer had just described a rescue worker stumbling upon the child, I would have assumed the boy was dead. The "baby doll" quote could have been used as a way to grab the reader. All this would be best achieved by setting up the story through the eyes of the man who called out, "It's not a baby doll -- it's alive."
ReplyDeleteAlso: This is nitpicking, but ...
Tornadoes do not "careen." They would cease to be tornadoes if turned completely onto one side. I point this out because the word is often misused in news stories.